Entry 15

5/23/2017

I’m supposed to be organizing the bookshelf as my after supper job.

It's a mess. Maybe if I make the kids take care of their own books and stop looking at it, it will magically clean itself up?

“Aaanniieeee!!!?!” I yell.

“Guys!” Bridget wails, her tone rising in pitch. “Help!”

“What is it?” I ask.

“There’s a daddy-long-leg on my wall!” She says.

“Oh good grief, just get rid of it.” I say, annoyed.

“I can’t!” She whines

“Then find someone else who will!”

She shudders. “Beeeckyyyyy??!?”

“Bridget, I let daddy-long-legs crawl on me arm!” Rachel informs her. “I let tarantulas- well, not tarantulas. But I let bugs crawl on my arm!”

“I’m not you!” Bridget protests.

I go back to the bookshelf. It's still a mess.

I'll do it later.

I go to my bed to finish math instead.

“I remember Abi never liked spiders.” Peter says, passing through. “It was the only thing I could do to scare her.” He laughs. Then: “Hey where’s the mosquito stuff? I just had it out!”

I shrug and return to decimals.

Ew.

Decimals were invented by bored old men who used to be presidents.

They wanted to leave calling cards for their unwilling successors to remember them by.

Except no one remembers them now because decimals are so complicated and boring everyone is too busy sleeping or banging their heads on trees to pay attention.

And thus the Society of Concerned Tree Lovers was born and all math abolished until the end of time,

The End.

“Oh yeah the mosquito stuff is in the window sill!” I yell at Peter.

“Which one?”

“The one closest to the kitchen I think!”

“Oh yeah, I see it.”

“Sorry for losing your charger.” Isaac exclaims in a moderate tone.

Ish.

“You didn’t lose it, it was upstairs!”

Isaac opens his mouth and eyes wide. He actually looks cute

BUT DON’T YOU DARE TELL HIM I SAID THAT.

“I don't know how it got up there. I didn't do it,”

“I didn't do it either!” He exclaims.

“I know. And thanks, Izy” (pronounced eye-zee) “for letting me beat you up! It was the highlight of my day.” (don't worry, I didn't actually beat him up. mostly. I'll let you figure it out)

He lean against the bed with an air of self-importance.

“You're welcome.” He says.

(The following is a snippet of conversation from my siblings. If you can understand it, you have earned my undying respect.)

“Ask you may I please. Okay I did it!” Isaac whines.

“Can you ask me to waeheaha!”

“Werherherherheeeeeer!” Isaac whinily exclaims.

“Can you ask me to waeheaha?” Bridget says.

It goes on like this for a looong day.

“Ophelia you are a skug! You know how to escape from our legs now.” Rachel says.

“Yeah Cyrano is a skug too!” Exclaims Isaac.

“You kitty-cat! She’s falling asleep!” She pulls the cat into a standing position with her paws. “Believe! I know it sounds like a kitty poster, but it’s true.” She says

I literally LOL.

“What?” Rachel demands.

“You actually quoted that.” I laugh.

Something hard bumps my arm and flies into the yellow bowl.

Cyrano promptly tries to eat it, and it flies away.

It bumps around the room quite a bit before landing on Becky's arm and Peter notices it.

He kills it.

“Peter, can we play the Peter Game?” Isaac asks (in exclamation).

“No.”

“Hey Esther, can we play the Esther game?” He ask.

“Nuh uh.”

“Its called the Womans Game.” Bridget says.

“Hey Esther can we play-”

“You mean the Daddy Game?” I ask.

“Yeah!”

“Women can’t play the Daddy Game, only Daddy’s.”

“Then play the extended version!” Bridget yells brightly.

“No.”

“How about the Game Esther Plays With the Twerps?!”

“No.”

“Anne what are you doing?” Peter asks.

“Getting ready the movie mom said we could watch.” Anne replies.

“Are you grumpy?” He asks

“No,” Anne says, in a normal voice.

“Are they done talking yet?”

“No.” She says in a grumpy voice. “I didn’t hear everything they were talking about. Why does this top one not work?!”

“Because it's cheap and terrible like everything in Nicaragua.” Peter jokes. “Including this family. Just kidding.”

He and Anne laugh.