Entry 11

5/14/2017

-So it's 9:30 pm.

-You just had a long, fun, semi-stressful day and now you are zonked. You-

-Okay fine.

-Yes. I'm talking about myself.

-Yeah yeah, you're very smart, now shut up.

(EHH!! BONUS POINTS FOR AWESOME QUOTES)

-And so I says to myself, I says, “I need to take a shower.”

-And myself throws a fit, and lounges on her bed with a distraught air (okay fine, I was reading), and then-

-Decides!

-I am going to take a shower.

-I grab some clothes, take a shower, and then go to bed, the end.

-NOT!!!!

-BECAUSE WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?!?!?? YOU CANNOT JUST TAKE A SHOWER IN THIS HOUSE.

-THERE ARE RULES.

*AND REGULATIONS.

-AND YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT AND CHECK WITH ALL THE IMPORTANT MEMBERS OF THE HOUSEHOLD.

-(Aka, everyone)

-So, for some reason this escapes my train of thought EVERY STINKING TIME??!?!?!????

-For the benefit of you ignorant swine, here is what you have to do:

• Check with the bathroom.      Is it decent? Is it empty? Is the light on and working? Do we even have power?!
• Check with the bunny. Is she around? Has she recently used the floor as a public restroom?? Is she skulking in the loo doing this now?!?
• Check with the cat. Is she in the bathroom? Is she being loved and nurtured? Is she still alive? Why do I care so much?!

• Oh I don't.
• She just likes to threaten.
• I also happen to like my life.

• Check with mum. Is now a good time? Do I have a job or sibling to take care of? Is it okay if I add to the laundry?? Is there even a:
• (Check with the) towel? IS IT CLEAN? IS IT AROUND? HOW MANY TIMES HAS IT BEEN USED?? WHY IS IT ON THE FLOOR IN THE BATHROOM?!

• Wait did I even bring a towel?

• DANGIT I FORGOT AGAIN.

• Check with the cockroach. Just in case it decides your foot is soft and warm.

• I AM STILL SHUDDERING.

• Because this happened.

• Check with the shower. Is it currently functioning? Does it have bunny droppings scattered all over? Does it have the shampoo and conditioner? Does it have soap? Is the curtain going to stay up OR NOT?!

BASICALLY JUST BOOK AN APPOINTMENT A MONTH IN ADVANCE.

-Oh and don't forget! After you forget to check all of the above, and end up using a skirt and shirt for a towel, and forget to put on deodorant.

-After you nearly forget to brush your teeth, and get your hair to stop dripping by wrapping it in a scarf, and dry out your ears and your neck (WHICH KEEP GETTING DRIPPED ON), you nearly kill the cat who is sleeping in your bed yet again, and you get your feet clean for what feels like first time in months- dagnabit how is it midnight?!?!?!

Haha jk, its only 10:27.  

• Yikes.
•