An Indefatigable Little Scribbler

In·de·fat·i·ga·ble (of a person or their efforts) persisting tirelessly.

Sunday, July 15, 2018

dude i forgot to title this one too

since last i posted so much has happened. so much that i hardly know where to begin or if i can even try. i will try, though it might take more than one post. as i write, i am listening to uranus by sleeping at last and sitting in the kitchen of the community house at the mission base in louisiana, most of the lights are out, and i have two cups of tea sitting next to me that are both too sweet to drink because i accidentally made one of them much too sweet and then the second without any to help balance the first out but it's not really working.
ahem.
run-on sentences, gotta love 'em.

anyway um it's late and i'm tired but i think i will put in some pictures that capture the aesthetic of my latest novel idea which may or may not be a wizard of oz retelling so yeah.  if i can find some pictures of my own then i will compile a post at a later date but i have so much to do now-a-days that this blog is going to be a little dusty. however, FEAR NOT i am not leaving for good and i will try my hardest to blog more in the coming months. thank you to all of you who have stayed with me, i love you to the moon but not back because the moon is such a lovely place to stay and i'm tired of earth so let's stay up there, hey?


NOPE I DECIDED TO DO A LINK INSTEAD BECAUSE I AM FEELING VERY TIRED AND DEAD AND I GOTTA GET UP EARLY TOMORROW SO HERE YOU ARE


but to make it up to you, here's a snippet:






When did we become so broken? the words echoed through her mind as she watched the farmland rolling by through the open window of the bus. she let her fingers dance as if they felt a piano and not empty wind pressing against their tips.

she let the cold night air send whip her hair in all directions and kept her sunglasses on even though the only brightness that could be seen for miles came from the headlights of the bus and the stars up above.

she turned her head to look at Danny and wondered again when they had become so broken. her mind went back through the miles and miles they had traveled and to all the places they had called home. 


eventually the lights of a city could be seen on the horizon and as they made their way towards it the glow of green numbers on the dash told the time to be 9:50 pm. they slowed to a stop outside an old-fashioned diner and watched the neon open sign revolve slowly on it's axis. danny penetrated the heavy silence with a sniff and then a clearing of his throat. 


"you hungry?" he asked, his voice scratchy from not speaking for so long. terra nodded and shrugged. he sighed and pulled the keys out of the ignition. "let's go then." 


they exited the vehicle and terra instinctively reached for danny's hand. he squeezed gently. "it's alright." he whispered. terra pulled on the frayed cuff of her sweater with her right hand and bit her lip. danny entwined their fingers. we're here, his said. we will protect you. the fingers on his other hand went to her face and removed her sunglasses and the hair from her eyes. she swallowed and tried to smile. he returned her smile and they entered the diner. 






or maybe two snippets just cuz














a warm yellow glow dripped like butter from everything inside the diner. there was a long bar that stretched from one end of the room to the other, with tall ancient looking bar stools. the diner was nearly deserted, except for a couple hunched over their respective laptops with a shared pair of earbuds between them, and a young man sitting on the edge of the bar, his back to the newcomers. danny stepped forward, dragging a slightly unwilling terra along with him. he sat himself and terra down on two of the stools that looked less likely to fall apart upon contact with anything heavier than a kitten. the young man turned and his eyes crinkled into a smile though his mouth remained unscathed. he held a book in his hands that he looked to be almost finished with, so few were the pages that remained to be turned.


"give me a moment so i can finish this?" his voice had a smooth musical hint to it. danny nodded and the man turned away from them once again. relative silence fell upon them, though it was a silence full of the kind of tiny clatter that no one notices until it is gone. the hum of a refrigerator, the clatter of fingers pressing keys on a computer, and the crisp sound of a page being turned. terra slowly began to relax as she got used to the environment. the general yellow light that reigned in the diner was bright but not invasive and blue fairy lights twinkled in time to a music that only they could hear. 


at last the man finished his book. he closed it with a soft sigh, and sat for a moment as if still traversing the world he had just been reading about. then he jumped off the counter and twirled around to face his costumers. 


"welcome to munchies," he said. "i just finished a book so if i act a little strange it's probably because i am still mentally traversing in the world i have just been reading about." this announcement brought a smile to danny's lips. "what can i get for you two?" the man asked. 


danny glanced down at the shiny pin fastened to the man's shirt. "glen, is it?" 


"yes." the man blinked as he said this, reminding terra of the way animated characters nod their approval of something. 


"well, glen, what's the special of the day?" 






Monday, June 11, 2018

monsters

i'm sitting in the dark
face in my hands
shivering-
they're coming for me


i know i should get up
i should turn on the lights
i should find someone to talk to, but-
they're coming for me


so i'm sitting in the dark
face in my hands
weeping-
i know now
i see it
they've been here all along


the monsters are here


and they whisper endlessly

not good enough
useless
worthless
unloved
unwanted
unneeded
why not just die?


i'm reaching out my hands
begging for help
screaming-
they're desperate for my heart 


i know i should fight
i can't give in to their lies 
so i cover my ears and scream to block out the noise but-

the monsters are in my head

they've been here all along


and now they laugh 
and laugh 
and laugh 



because i am defeated 









Hello my lovelies!! Sorry for being so absent lately, it's been a crazyyy past few months! I promise I will be posting an explanation and update very soon! oh and I'll fix the header to have my blog name on it again just in case we all forget where we are XD
thank you for sticking with me, dears, it means the world to me. 

 love,    
esther

Thursday, May 17, 2018



The bed beneath me is covered in a white comforter, the pillows softer than anything I've leaned on in the past six months. The soft yellow light of the lamp that falls on the white dressers, the pale green walls and floral blue curtains. The fan blows softly from the ceiling.
Everything is so different from what I have just left behind: the pain of fresh goodbyes, the uncertainty for the lives of those dear to me, the knowledge that at any moment a civil war might break out and my family could be caught in the middle of it.
The fear that someone else would leave, or get hurt haunting me day and night so that I cannot sleep at night and dare not sleep during the day. The loss of appetite, the constant churning in my stomach and tears in my eyes.

I should feel safe in this big comfortable house with my family sleeping peacefully around me in various rooms, my life no longer in danger.. I should feel at peace.

Instead I am angry. I am sad. I am tired. It's been two days since we began our journey out of Nicaragua and at last I am in a place I should be happy and safe in. But I'm not. My mind is in more danger than ever, and my heart? It aches from a thousand too-hasty stitches thrust in a desperate attempt to save me from heartbreak.
I will survive.
I will.
I must.
Musn't I?


They told me not to be sad. They told me not to cry. "we will see eachother again, sooner than you think." I write these words and remember their faces as they spoke them and tears slide down my cheeks yet again. I miss them. Dios mio I miss them. I'm worried sick for their lives. I cannot contact any of them. They told me not to be sad, they told me not to cry, they told me to smile.

I'm sorry... but I must. I must cry over you, I need to cry over what we have shared and what we have lost and what we might never have. I need to cry over your wounds and mine and I need to cry out to heaven until my voice breaks and I cannot scream any more. I need to pray on my knees with sobs racking my body praying to God to save you and keep you safe. 

You told me not to let this make my world crumble. You told me we have to be brave and strong. You told me I have to live my life. 
I can't. 
I'm sorry. 
My world is crumbling. I will live. I will hold back the tears and keep in the pain as best as I can until I am alone in my room where I can cry myself to sleep... until I am alone with God and I can beg Him to spare you. 
Noe, Willy, Aza, Kats, Key, Mami, all of you my darlings... I love you. I miss you. 
Just wait.. I'm coming back for you I promise. 
just wait

Sunday, January 21, 2018

so yeah, about that..




HEY so guess what???? I wrote, filmed and put another song on youtube!!! *CONFETTI*
the camera quality is TERRRIBLE, and it's super dark- which I thought would be cool with the christmas lights and the theme of the song ALSO I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SHOW MY FACE VERY MUCH WHICH IS A BONUS buuut I feel like it just looks like I have a terrible camera. WHICH IS TRUE BUT IT'S RUDE OF YOU TO MENTION. Ahem.
Also there is a lot of background noise, including some very creepy laughing I just noticed but I guess that's what happens when you finally get an empty room- there's a heck of a lot of background noise. OH WELL

aaaanyway, here it is, and I am writing MORE and doing MORE covers and I have a feeling you're going to hear a lot more from me in the immediate future.







Lyrics:
d-i-s-t-r-e-s-s (3x) 
signal

the troops let them know
we are found
lost in the void
lost in the darkness

one by one falling down
one by one going dark 
one by one empty the sky

hands reaching
only mine reaching
for an empty sign
empty hope
empty promises

d-i-s-t-r-e-s-s (3x) 


As for the backstory I promised, I got the idea for this song while sitting watching my siblings beat the life out of a piñata and- yeah it has absolutely no bearing on that fact. I just had the melody stuck in my head and then I was like "what if I spelled out a word???" so then I got the tune on the guitar and then I wrote the lyrics the next day and then like a week later I got the room to myself and like 2 weeks later I had good enough to upload. 
SO YEAH about when I said I was going to do In My Own Little Corner, WELL it's too complicated a song for me to have the patience to learn it on the piano or guitar so I was going to just use like a karaoke version or whatever but about the 50th time I sang it I was like.... this song isn't even that great. I mean, Cindy here's a little flighty. I mean, in light of the fact that I'm writing a retelling where she is a superhero who is having insanity issues and stuff THIS SONG IS KIND OF SILLY???? if you get what I mean?? 

aaaanyway, maybe I'll do it someday, maybe not, I still have to do A Thousand Years for Allie, and all that jazz so... YEP music is coming your way soon!!!
It would be easier for you (if you want to listen to them) just to subscribe to my youtube channel, but I will be posting lyrics and sometimes backstory on here almost every time I post a video so whichever is fine. HERE's the link in case you want to. 
and yes, now I'm done rambling. 
okayloveyoubyeeeee!!!!!!!

Monday, January 15, 2018

"Hey Google,"




"Hey Google,"





"what do you put on a handkerchief to knock someone out?"


"can you spray chloroform?"


"large guns?"


"large guns with pictures?"


"how does one breathe when tense?"


"how does stress affect breathing rate?"


"she pursed her lips?"


"how long does it take to knock someone out with chloroform?"



"deadpanned definition?"




"how long does a person stay unconscious after being knocked out by chloroform?"



"where is the engine in a helicopter?"


"where would you shoot if you wanted to disable a helicopter?"


"who invented high heels?"


"what is a crime family?"


"artemis vs diana?"









Writers have to ask Google some weird questions, and these are a few of the ones I asked while writing this NaNo.

JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW, I am trying to keep up with blog posts this year. I'm not really doing New Years Goals™ just because they always annoy me and I never fulfill them anyway, BUT I am setting some ideas down that I will try to do. *reads what I just read* *realizes it's stupid*

OKAY FINE I AM DOING NEW YEARS GOALS™ STOP LOOKING AT ME WITH THOSE JUDGEY EYES.




Aaaaanyway, I am also hoping to catch up on all of y'alls blogs but IDK DON'T PRESSURE ME LIKE THAT.




Other things of note, I may or may not have STARTED FREAKING COLLEGE TODAY AND MAYBE HAVING A SLIGHT FREAK OUT SESSION BUT IN A GOOD WAY.




one tiny last thing of import: I am thinking about moving blogs???? SO I HAVE TWO QUESTIONS.

1. I know a couple of you have moved blogs before, so how do you move all your old posts and stuff to the new blog??????

2. What do you think I should call it? I have some ideas, and you can vote on which you like OR spout some new ones at me.






  • imagination gone mad
  • a mad hatter's lair
  • east wind bloweth
  • dreams of fairytales
  • accounts from ever after




alright LET ME KNOW!!!


kayloveyoubyeeeeee!!!

Sunday, December 24, 2017

things that make me smile pt.2


raking leaves with my siblings

                  a white christmas

early morning walks 

          baking cookies

                    the smell of melted butter

 christmas eve

                    sunrises from the rooftop

                                                other smiles

     long-awaited meetings

fresh cut grass

ocean waves lapping at my feet

       piano


            christmas films                      


laughter

rain on a sunny day

journal entries

charlie the unicorn

whispering in

a british accent . . . 


merry christmas, darling
    


p.s tell me honestly now, did you not just whisper that in a british accent? If not, you are no longer my favourite person

p.p.s. if you didn't smile, you're also no longer my favourite person

p.p.p.s sorry for doing this post again, but with tomorrow being Christmas, I thought it appropriate

p.p.p.p.s sorry for reals I didn't do a header this time. I just noticed I apologized for that last time and then put a header in afterwards? I'm crazy. 

Friday, December 1, 2017

the things that make me smile


        mismatched socks                                                                                     baked apples

                                                                                        finishing a story
                                                   homemade rings

lighthearted but deep songs                                                         to-do lists

                                                                                              the sound a violin makes right after it's tuned

                                                        tuning said violin

              a clean but fluffy romance

                                                              thinking of my family
 finding someone who understands me

stupid jokes that only I find funny 

                                                                                 people who laugh unapologetically 


                                    my horrid attempts at accents 

                                                                                                                  mismatched fingernail polish

stamping an envelope full of papers I put my heart into 


                                                                              Diana's (wonder woman) reaction to a baby.  


                     a two year old telling the same joke over and over


                                                                                                                         hugs


      birds flying 
                              

                             finding out a stranger is also a fan of a book/movie/series I love 

                                                                                                 
                                                                                                               red leaves on a tree






what about you? what are things that always bring a smile to your face? 


p.s. I promise I will try to post more regularly. 
p.p.s. sorry I didn't make a header for this one, I was tired. 

I feel like my usual sign off is too obnoxious for this post so I will not do any sign of at all I'll just end this he-

dude i forgot to title this one too

since last i posted so much has happened. so much that i hardly know where to begin or if i can even try. i will try, though it might take m...