dude i forgot to title this one too

since last i posted so much has happened. so much that i hardly know where to begin or if i can even try. i will try, though it might take more than one post. as i write, i am listening to uranus by sleeping at last and sitting in the kitchen of the community house at the mission base in louisiana, most of the lights are out, and i have two cups of tea sitting next to me that are both too sweet to drink because i accidentally made one of them much too sweet and then the second without any to help balance the first out but it's not really working.
ahem.
run-on sentences, gotta love 'em.

anyway um it's late and i'm tired but i think i will put in some pictures that capture the aesthetic of my latest novel idea which may or may not be a wizard of oz retelling so yeah.  if i can find some pictures of my own then i will compile a post at a later date but i have so much to do now-a-days that this blog is going to be a little dusty. however, FEAR NOT i am not leaving for good and i will try my hardest to blog more in the coming months. thank you to all of you who have stayed with me, i love you to the moon but not back because the moon is such a lovely place to stay and i'm tired of earth so let's stay up there, hey?

NOPE I DECIDED TO DO A LINK INSTEAD BECAUSE I AM FEELING VERY TIRED AND DEAD AND I GOTTA GET UP EARLY TOMORROW SO HERE YOU ARE

but to make it up to you, here's a snippet:

When did we become so broken? the words echoed through her mind as she watched the farmland rolling by through the open window of the bus. she let her fingers dance as if they felt a piano and not empty wind pressing against their tips.

she let the cold night air send whip her hair in all directions and kept her sunglasses on even though the only brightness that could be seen for miles came from the headlights of the bus and the stars up above.

she turned her head to look at Danny and wondered again when they had become so broken. her mind went back through the miles and miles they had traveled and to all the places they had called home. 

eventually the lights of a city could be seen on the horizon and as they made their way towards it the glow of green numbers on the dash told the time to be 9:50 pm. they slowed to a stop outside an old-fashioned diner and watched the neon open sign revolve slowly on it's axis. danny penetrated the heavy silence with a sniff and then a clearing of his throat. 

"you hungry?" he asked, his voice scratchy from not speaking for so long. terra nodded and shrugged. he sighed and pulled the keys out of the ignition. "let's go then." 

they exited the vehicle and terra instinctively reached for danny's hand. he squeezed gently. "it's alright." he whispered. terra pulled on the frayed cuff of her sweater with her right hand and bit her lip. danny entwined their fingers. we're here, his said. we will protect you. the fingers on his other hand went to her face and removed her sunglasses and the hair from her eyes. she swallowed and tried to smile. he returned her smile and they entered the diner. 

or maybe two snippets just cuz

a warm yellow glow dripped like butter from everything inside the diner. there was a long bar that stretched from one end of the room to the other, with tall ancient looking bar stools. the diner was nearly deserted, except for a couple hunched over their respective laptops with a shared pair of earbuds between them, and a young man sitting on the edge of the bar, his back to the newcomers. danny stepped forward, dragging a slightly unwilling terra along with him. he sat himself and terra down on two of the stools that looked less likely to fall apart upon contact with anything heavier than a kitten. the young man turned and his eyes crinkled into a smile though his mouth remained unscathed. he held a book in his hands that he looked to be almost finished with, so few were the pages that remained to be turned.

"give me a moment so i can finish this?" his voice had a smooth musical hint to it. danny nodded and the man turned away from them once again. relative silence fell upon them, though it was a silence full of the kind of tiny clatter that no one notices until it is gone. the hum of a refrigerator, the clatter of fingers pressing keys on a computer, and the crisp sound of a page being turned. terra slowly began to relax as she got used to the environment. the general yellow light that reigned in the diner was bright but not invasive and blue fairy lights twinkled in time to a music that only they could hear. 

at last the man finished his book. he closed it with a soft sigh, and sat for a moment as if still traversing the world he had just been reading about. then he jumped off the counter and twirled around to face his costumers. 

"welcome to munchies," he said. "i just finished a book so if i act a little strange it's probably because i am still mentally traversing in the world i have just been reading about." this announcement brought a smile to danny's lips. "what can i get for you two?" the man asked. 

danny glanced down at the shiny pin fastened to the man's shirt. "glen, is it?" 

"yes." the man blinked as he said this, reminding terra of the way animated characters nod their approval of something. 

"well, glen, what's the special of the day?" 

Entry 16

5/27/2017

Kitchens always soothe me. I love the messy organised jumble of it all. The smells and the memories of baking cookie pies an cakes.

I love the ability to turn simple ingredients into melt-on-your-tongue chocolate chip cookies, into fudge and hot apple pie. Into soups and spaghetti, pizza and pancakes and scones.

Some of my dearest memories are of tea in the kitchen with my eldest sister Abi, listening to instrumental music and soundtracks with my second eldest sister Ellie, arguing good naturedly and goofing around with another elder sister Mia.

Singing Fidler on the Roof and Les Miserables with my sisters and best friends.

Chatting and occasionally crying to mum.

Scrubbing floors on my hands and knees.

Washing dishes till my hands are pruned.

Singing to my hearts content like I'm the only person around- which is usually the case.

The kitchen is my little haven. Its yellow and white and wooden.

Clean counters, cluttered spice cabinets, flour covered aprons and licking sugar off fingers.

Mixing and testing making omething beautiful.

The magic of a kitchen.

Getting to know a kitchen is much like getting to know a person. Its always a bit messy, you never remember where things go and end up opening drawers and cupboards best left unopened.

But once you know a kitchen, it is amazing. A friendship is born and good things are made. Delicious foods and some not-so-good-mistakes happen, but no matter what, the kitchen and that person are your friends for life.

Even if you leave the kitchen and come back a long time later, having forgotten where everything goes, the mistakes are more amusing than awkward, as they were before.

As I sit here, basking in melancholy and nostalgia, counting the hours till I see Mia again, anticipating the surprise of my siblings at her unexpected advent, I feel supremely happy. Happy and also sad in a way I simply cannot express.

Oh what to do with me?

Mum comes downstairs and says,

“Sometimes I think you belong in a bakery in Paris. Sipping your tea and lookin out over- whatever river or lake they have in France.”

We laugh at this and I turn up the soundtrack to Amilé that I have been listening to. Its Parisian sounding music thrumming and twinkling around the kitchen making my feet itch to dance.

I sit on the barstool and look out the window to the dusty street and smile.

“One day…” I murmer. “One day I will.”

Entry 14

5/18/2017

Mum is rubbing the knots of tight muscles out of my neck. Gosh they build up quick.

Meg is talking non-stop.

“This is nineteent, mom.”

“Nineteent?”

“Yeah.” She wanders over to me. “What is thirty-ninety?” She asks

“Um.. I don't know.” I tell her, to which she says

“Its sixteent!!” As if its obvious.

“Oohh.” I return. “Of course.” Then she points to my shirt.

“Whehw is it on thehw? Find it.” She demands, just like a proper school teacher. I glance down at my shirt.

Its black with the eleventh Doctor’s silhouette and the words he says to Amy:

“All of time and space, anywhere and everywhere, every star that ever was- where do you want to start?”

“Uhhhh, I dunno.” I say, just like a proper(ly bored) student.

She points to the swirly S in start.

“Thehw!”

I frown, and then nod sagely.

“Oh yeah!”

Isaac runs out to the bread man.

“Hola chiquito!” He says, “¿Como estas?” (hello, little boy! How are you?)

“Bien! ¿Y tu?” Isaac exclaims. (Good! And you?)

Then Rachel comes out with a drink of water for the man.

“Buenas!” He says, followed by “Gracias.”

Rachel, Meg, Isaac and Dad are all buying bread- ten cordobas (about 30 cents) a loaf. We usually buy six loaves for French toast in the morning.

“Adios!” is exchanged and the bread man leaves.

We are eating dinner- watermelon, stinky feet cheese, homemade tortilla chips, guacamole, leftover rice with eggs and bacon. I am in the midst of putting guacamole on chips when-

The power goes off.

“Well, would you look at that.” I say, amidst groans and other exclamations of annoyance.

“I'll get the candles.” Rachel says.

I fumble in the dark till I reach my phone and then I go back to eating.

I dislike stopping in the middle of anything, but especially eating.

The kids return soon after with candles and flashlights.

“Heh!” Becky laughs, “We all run around and Esther just sits there and eats!”

“Nuh uh! I got my flashlight first!” I laugh back.

A while into dinner and the lights return.

“Well would you look at that.” I say.

Meg is singing a mournful dirge now, and I don't remember what happens next, as I forgot to write it so that is where this will end.

Entry 13

5/19/2017

(Note: No animals or ears were harmed in the writing of this entry…

Mostly…)

(also, this is more of a collection of random events from the day instead of a story)

I frantically write down the story idea I just got from my dream.

“I’m Jess, pleased to meet you.” He says, sticking out his hand.

“Pleased to meet you too.” Alisha says, and smiles slightly. His hand is cool, he has a firm grip. His fingers are long- just like the rest of his limbs. Heavens he’s tall.

Mira smiles sweetly,

“Well, I think-” her phone starts ringing. It's the theme song from Poldark. “Sorry guys.” She says and then walks a few feet away and starts talking into her phone.

“Hey Brody! I-”

Jess clears his throat, and Alisha turns her gaze up up up to his face, letting Mira fade into the background.

Alisha pushes her bangs behind her ear and hopes this isn’t as awkward for Jess as it is for her. She bites her bottom lip and makes her eyes go wide and loop around the room just for something to do.

Jess laughs outright.

“I know, right?” He says genially. “I don't know what to say either.”

I am just getting back to my prayer time when I look up at Annie on her bunk bed. She is grabbing Ophelia by the scruff of her neck.

“Anne!” I yell, “Be nice to Ophelia!”

She looks at me and says,

“She needs to know that we- that us- that the Eckstine's are bosses, not cats.” She leans in close to Ophelia’s face.

“We’re the boss!” She says. “Okay, Ophelia? We’re the bosses!”

“Anne, it's like Fin: ‘I'm in charge now! I'm in charge, Phasma, I'm in charge!’” I laugh.

She shakes Ophelia gently,

“Yeah Ophelia, I'm in charge now!” Then she sets her down on the barstool by the bed on the floor.

As Anne passes gets down and passes me, I hold my breath and pretend to be dead.

She doesn't notice.

“Anne! I was being dead over here and you didn't he notice!”

“Oh.” She says over her shoulder. “Woops.”

“I do that a lot. I just pretend to be dead. If I really died just randomly you guys wouldn't notice for 24 hours.” I observe somewhat blithely.

“I know!” Anne says.

“No, nachamama! Nachamama, Ophelia! Hey, will you be still, or do  have to hold you and kiss you. And call you Ophelia?”

Ophelia mews.

“Okay! I guess I have to hold you and kiss you and call you Ophelia.” I hear exaggerated kissing sounds.

“Oh look a cockroach.” Anne says.

“Where?” Becky says, looking down from her bunk bed.

“Is it alive or dead?” Mum asks from the kitchen.

Isaac comes in to exclaim and get rid of it.

“Aw Anne look!” Becky says, “She's being so cute! Get up here and look! She's just laying in my hands! Ophelia, are you tired now? Tired from all that running around? And sleeping in the morning?! Bazooka Jane would never do that.”

Ophelia mews in protest.

“Say please. Say please Ophelia.” Then to Anne: “I make her meow and then I put her down.” She then sets Ophelia down.

“There’s only a slight malfunction.” Bridget says in her fake British accent.

Oh goody.

Playing Star Wars yet again.

Not that that is a bad thing.

It is Star Wars after all.

Peter comes up to Meg on the top bunk, growling and roaring.

“Noooo!!!! Petehl you're scawing me!”

“Oh I'm sorry.” he says.

“Yo sowy?”

“Yes, for scaring you.”

“Fo scawing me?”

“Yeah.”

She leans down and hugs Peter around his neck.

“I wuv yo!” She says and then answers herself. “I wuv yo too!  Can I kiss yo fowhead?”

“Sure.”

I glance over just in time to see her pucker her lips and kiss Peter's forehead.

I nearly died of adorableness overload.

I go to the living room where greetings are thrown this way and that in proper spanglish fashion.

“Morning!”

“Morning.”

“Buenos dias!”

“Buenos dias.”

“Hey!”

“Buenas.”

“Cywano! Do not escape!” Meg say sternly.

“Run for your life!” I call

“Quick Cyrano, bite ‘er then run!” Peter says.

“Stawp escaping!” Meg says.

“Hey Cyrano! Password!” Peter grins and Cyrano promptly licks Meg’s leg.

“There Margaret, now you have to put him down. He did the password.”

Meg doesn't answer us and gets off her chair holding the bunny. She puts the furry animal on the chair and picks up the chair and carries it away.

“Meg, he's gonna escape.” I tell her.

Then Cyrano escapes.

Meg chases him around for a while and gets extremely annoyed when he goes behind a chair.

“Cywano!” She cries.

“Be nice to that bunny.” dad says.

Peter and Becky laugh quietly as they watch Rachel play with Ophelia. Mum listens as Paul talks about a priest in a nearby town. Bridget lounges and frowns as if thinking very hard about something. Dad is getting his praise and worship songs ready for prayers. Meg sits with Cyrano, Isaac is playing something in the corner. Paul and Ms. Bing sit with their baby in a stroller, Douglas and Ninoska share a couch, and I sit in this corner, rocking and writing this all.

I see Ezekiel going to Isaac with a scorpion.

“Isaac!” He says it like ee-sack.

I swat at a fly by my head.

“Look he has a scorpion!!” Guess Who exclaims.

“Isaac, anything he does is not cool, just because he does it.” Peter says drily and we laugh.

“Hey Isaac, make it bite him!” I tease.

“It can't sting it can only bite.”

“I know, that's why I said bite not sting.”

Just now Meg runs up.

“Petehl! Thews a scohpian!!”

Peter gasps in mock astonishment.

“Its ginowmus!”

“That big??”

“Yeah!”

Then she tells me almost the same thing. I add a few screams to make it scarier. Then she keeps walking slowly to me and whispering “scorpion” while I flourish a new scream at the end of each.

“Esthew!! We found a fwog!”

I scream.

“Do you wike baby fwogs?” She ask,

“No!” I yell.

She walks off, as if I’m a lost cause.

Probably am.

Peter and Rachel are gutting and scaling fish.

“I don't want to get cwoser to dose scawy eyes.” Meg says.

“Are you gonna do a fish?” Rachel asks.

“Dunno. I’m gonna have to cook ‘em so hopefully not.”

“You?” Rachel and Peter ask incredulously.

“Well I am lunch person. Aaand I’m a perfecook. Rachel sighs, partly annoyed and partly amused.

5/20/2017

We’re watching the Lego Movie- MY FAVORITE MOVIE EVER BTW.

For some reason my siblings don’t see t as that great.

“Come with me if you wanna not die!”

(just had to add this tiny entry. BECAUSE THE LEGO MOVIE HELLO.)

Entry 10

5/3/2017

-After a fifteen or so minute drive, during which we chatted and complained and laughed as only siblings can do, we arrived.

-The water is beautiful and cool touch. The beach strewn with pebbles, glass and various pieces of garbage.

-Due to an unfortunate coincidence with a malady of unusual length, I am unable to swim, but I watch the others with pleasure.

-The sun beats down upon us as Meg tells mom, shaking her little finger,

“I'm going to find two mowah wocks!” she picks her way along the shore to the water, her arms raised to balance herself.

-The kids push a log from the shallows deeper.

-With quite a bit of yelling commands and no more than the average amount of teamwork involved, they get it unstuck.

-They bring it farther and farther out until one by one the children get scared and hop off.

-They lost Isaac the moment they all tried to climb on the log and it rolled on it's side. (as in he fell off, he isn't actually lost.)

-He is now catching frogs on the beach with Bridget.

-Anne, Rachel and Peter stay with the log.

“Can you touch the bottom?” Mum yells

“No!” Peter grins widely.

“If one of the girls drowns, you have to save them!” Mum says

“I know!!” Peter returns

“If they die you can't have their plates!” Dad adds

“What?”

“If they die you can't have their plates!!” Dad repeats with his hands cupping his mouth.

“Okay!” Peter says and pushes out further.

-Then we have Cremas because the children are “Staarving!!” As they so loudly wail.

-Then Ninoska starts yelling at Douglas who is in the water.

-I look to where she is pointing and see multiple men in the water on a different point of the beach.

-I see heads bobbing and mum asks

“Are they fighting?”

-A woman in a pink shirt runs into the water screaming something, a man holds her back but she fights him trying to reach something in the water.

-Then another head comes to the surface and two men pull the unconscious body to shore.

-People swarm over forming a crowd around the man.

-Dad was an EMT, so he runs over to help.

-Mum calls the kids over and we pray the chaplet of Divine Mercy, watching anxiously as Dad and Douglas get lost in the mix of humans.

-He comes back just as we finish, and reports.

“Vive,” he says. “He's alive. He was drunk before he got it.”

“Todo bien, no hay problema.” Douglas says and dad starts to correct him, but doesn't. Aside to mum he says,

“He still looked really bad. When I went over there they were pushing on his chest and breathing, but they could just push water into his lungs. So I rolled him on his side. A lady yelled at me, but I know how to help.”

“Wow.” mum says.

-Nothing like a bit of drama to spice things up.

Entry 9

4/28/2017

-Just in case you thought my family consisted of angels, here is a story to prove otherwise.

-(Of course, I am an angel, but I can't say the same for the rest of the horde.)

-This morning I did math. It was boring as ever and I kept messing up the timer and I almost had to do more than an hour of math.

-Eww.

-I may or may not have just guessed and hoped it was an hour.

-I started catechism and then got a call from dad.

-Oh.

-Apparently he and mum and Peter all left.

-Thanks for the heads up, y’all.

“Can you make sure the tank doesn't overflow upstairs. Since you're doing school up there, right?”

“Oh. Yeah sure.”

“Okay.” There is a pause. What am I supposed to do again?

“Okay. Bye?” I say, with a look that would usually accompany a dead rat.

“Bye.” he says and hangs up.

-Ookaay… I guess that was right?

(Note: did I mention we found a maggot home under our refrigerator? It was established the carcass of a rat. Biiiig sniff everyone!)

-I do some catechism, and check on the tank a few times. It's got a bit to go.

-Then Meg starts screaming blue murder and I turn to see her slap Isaac on the back.

-She's in tears and her face is covered in dirt and probably some snot thrown into the mix.

-Disgusting.

-I interrogate Isaac and he has some wild story and none of it's his fault and blah di da di da.

-I fix it as best I can and then go back to catechism.

-After a few questions, Meg is crying yet again.

-I go out, sort through it, and go back to school.

-Then I hear this sound.

-Kind of like running wat-

-GOOD GOLLY!!!

-So I run over, turn off the valve, get my arm soaked in the meantime and say

“Dagnabit!” About 5-8 times.

-Douglas was downstairs talking to somebody so he comes up to see what's wrong.

-He surveys the spillage and says in his easy way

“Esta bien.” He says, but I sigh and still feel terrible for not paying attention. “Tranquilo.”

-I make my epic: dang-this-is-a-lot-more-than-you’re-making-it-out-to-be-but-fine-I’ll-calm-down-sure-it’ll-be-fine-why-would-it-be-sarcasm-alert-sarcasm-alert! face.

-Don't believe I could look all that in one facial expression? That's where you're wrong, Scaryman!

-I have an exceptionally gifted face.

-So then Douglas leaves and I do school. Then mum and dad get home and we unload some groceries and then we make lunch.

-Well the kids were making fried eggs and tajatas and fried sweet bananas. Except they started the eggs first- AT ELEVEN O CLOCK.

-For the ignorant among you, eleven is waaay too early to start eggs for lunch.

-So I start making the tajatas by warming the oil, ordering the twerps to get the bananas for me, then I peel them, getting my hands ALL sticky in the process- despite putting oil on my hands beforehand.

-Oh! Fun story, I started to light the stove with a match when I realized that I still had oil dripping from my hands.

-Yeah maybe not such a brilliant idea?

-So then I sliced the bananas and then fried them in the oil.

-Becky cut up the sweet bananas and fried hers in the small skillet and then put them in a bowl with sugar poured over the top.

-Yumm.

-A great commotion comes from the living room area, and mum comes in with Meg in her arms and Meg's face is bleeding and there is a crowd of kids all around her and dad is there and Meg is crying and mum is telling someone to get a rag and dad is telling someone else to get some ice and lots of people are wondering what the heck just happened.

-I was one of these, and also looking for a rag.

-Apparently there was a little fight and a door got in the way and now Meg's going to have a black eye for a bit.

-I return to my tajatas, which are getting rather burnt, and mum puts arnica on Meg's face, and a certain child is crying and feeling extremely evil for causing this pain.

(Note: excuse you. Stop wondering which child it was. What are you, mean? Morbid? Cruel?Something else starting with M?)

I dropped more banana into the scalding oil and get a drop on the tip of my finger.

I also thought about covering the eggs when I remembered the tajadas and rushed over.

I stubbed my toe on the way over on the cement step.

I recently stubbed it, and it was bleeding like crazy.

So I screech

“Dumb horsey!”

My siblings show their sympathy by laughing.

I laugh too, and then frantically dump the tajadas into the aluminum pan.

A minute or so later, I feel something sticky and wet on my foot.

I look down, all prepared to be stepping on avocado or banana or butter.

But there's not really anything, I lift my foot and put it somewhere else, and see a tiny puddle of red liquid.

Ah.

Then I laugh and tell the kids I murdered my foot again, and can they watch the tajadas?

Everyone is busy in their own pursuits and don't answer, so I yell it again and then hobble to the bathroom to bind up my foot.

After I clean it, Becky brings me a band aid, and then I return to the kitchen.

“Did you guys watch the tajadas?” I ask

“No!” “Yes!” Numerous people call out joyfully at the same time.

The pan has new tajatas in it.

“Thanks, guys.”

Then I look in the pan and see a pile of burnt tajatas in one corner.

“Guys!”

Peter laughs.

“We told you we didn't watch it.”

“I thought you were kidding!”

They laugh.

A bit later, Rebeckah’s foot gets burnt by oil, and Peter scoops her up and carries her to the dining room to get ice on it.

Isaac wants to tell mum all about everyone's injuries but I tell him not to. She has enough with laundry to do, Meg to take care of, children to feed, school to administer and she probably has a headache!

But when she comes downstairs, Isaac tells her immediately.

Boy!

The niece of a certain monk (in a certain Abbey, in Kansas City) lives here in Nicaragua, and she came to visit us.

She is a nice girl. She has short curly blond hair up in a ponytail. She is wearing her uniform for her job- which is teaching, incidentally.

We shook hands at the introductory state of our encounter.

“I'm Sarah.” She says. She has a nice firm grip, but not too hard. She seems completely at ease with all of us, yet a little part of her is awed I think.

I tend to have that effect on people.

She has a nice smile and she doesn't laugh often, but when she does, you notice.

And it's not that it's a loud laugh or peculiar in any way. It's just… true.

True happiness.

She's completely comfortable with herself and I like that. She isn't necessarily pretty, or ugly but the way she carries herself and the way she acts around us makes her attractive.

She would have no trouble finding a nice man- and probably a sarcastic gentleman at that!

Lucky.

We sit in the living room and talk.

They exchange backstory and she asks questions right to the point. She doesn't best around the bush, this girl.

When dad makes a joke (the actual joke escapes my memory at this time) she snorts and slaps her knee and I feel like cheering.

I love snort-laughers and knee-slappers!

They're my kind of people.

The kind of people who love a good joke and usually tell the best jokes and even if they're not funny- you laugh because you have no choice.

It's a contagion.

She loves dad's home-roasted coffee, and drinks two whole cups.

I watched her closely to see if she would just pretend to like it, but she drank it all and had a second cup with supper.

She is an open book at times, yet I feel like she has a deeper heart and understanding of the world and it's wiles.

She's quite a chum. I have a feeling this won't be our last meeting.